i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
