Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You have to summon your inner elephant
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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