The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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