I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
