nut hugger
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
