Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
