Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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