she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize