i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
