i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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