alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
