I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
