I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You are the jesus of drinking
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
