Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
