Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
