I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize