You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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