fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
