the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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