is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
