I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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