One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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