fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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