Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
