i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
