I wish life had little blips of pornography
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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