He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
