There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
