My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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