Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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