If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
