going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
