Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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