Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think i have herpe
just one?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
