FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
