Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
