I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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