Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Houston, we have a blender
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
