My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
