and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
its liver damage thursday
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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