I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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