I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
