Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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