hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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