His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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