You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
