This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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