i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
