He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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