I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My bed smells like the plague
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