bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
