this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
