took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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