Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
