My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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