u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
