I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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