Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
