god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want to make a zoo with you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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