it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
